natashamuse

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 03:54:32 GMT

my roots are strong and deep. i'm swaying in your breeze
my limbs stretch out to meet you. you've got me on my knees
i stand tall. my feet are on the ground
but compared to you i'm small. the things you need you just surround
you rocked around the earth. you circle it with air
you're trapped inside the core. with hot lava hair
i wish you could sprout, but you can't stick your neck out
i want you climbing up my limbs, but i'm just stumped by your whims

Animals by CocoRosie

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:21:46 GMT

Now that I’m alone I feel the lonely brokeness
Of all the wicked avenues I’ve ever sold my love on
All these moments of meekness and trembling subsided
In the outright abandon of this orphan child
Home is on the highway living on soft bread and solace
I guess I’m waiting for nightfall or a solar eclipse
And to wake up half empty
Only to be filled again with mourning
He’s my evil shadow dove
My black Palamito Can’t break him like a diamond skull
I can’t seem to do so Can’t just rob him out like the
mob used to do so Like memories of porno and tearstains
and tobacco O its a miny disastro
Bigger than the ice age don’t know if baby dinosaurs
Maybe could live through it, like indians and butterflies
What’s crushed is my spirit, O I fear it is too fragile
Like fall leaves burn like paper

I always knew I would spend a lot of time alone
No one would understand me
Maybe I should go and live amongst the animals
Spend all my time amongst the animals
And on the tracks I would go they lead to the sea
To be amongst the animals

Oh I’m just a fill leaf something simple and shy like that
That’s how my heart lies down beside the sidewalk
Like an empty restaurant filled with perfume and balloons
I sit and entertain the bizarre ghosts of my soul
His name still lingers maybe lactates on my tongue
Perhaps I’m just teel him for a foreign fallen destiny
Miserable but mine I look like his mother
Or Sophia loren in a old fashioned movie
Slow motion motion I cling to my child desperate for love
On day soon my brother died made me remember all the
Subordinate feelings I cast aside
Maybe I had lied when I said I was ok
Just getting along like a little song that stops to sing and say
“Wild willow, windy winter won’t you blow through me
My whole eternity”

Honey or Tar by CocoRosie

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:31:22 GMT

Undressed you with my eyes I have
Maybe even raped you
In a dark and eerie corner of my mind
I tucked you there
And touched you in a dream last night
Pushed you aside when you entered
My thoughts at the wrong time
I have sat up upon your lap and
Saddled my thighs around your hips like ropes
I rode you on a chair and in the shower
And all the while I clung heavy to your back
My desire deeply harnessed in your spine
While I squeezed you like a tree trunk
You may have been one
Sexless and comfort in your mind
Even barer than a childs
I’m riding recklessly through a thick and humid
Jungle growing anxious with the primal
Yearning that stirs
Deeply pulsing up toward the surface
Like sap rising or honey or tar

(Confusion/Experimentation)

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 23:47:28 GMT

Met a dancer
Who was high in a field
From her movement
Caught my breath on my way home
Couldn't stop that spinning force
I felt in me
Everything around seemed to giggle glee
She walked up with a flower and I cared

Saw the dancer
Who gets wild to the beats of record rhythms
But I'm always away for weeks
That pass slow my
Mind gets lost
Feeling envy for the kid who'll dance despite anything
I walk out in the flowers and feel better
If I could just leave my body for the night:

Then we could be dancing
No more missing you while I'm gone
There we could be dancing
And you'd smile and say, "I like this song"
And when our eyes will meet there
We will recognize nothing's wrong
And I wouldn't feel so selfish
I won't be this way very long

To hold you in time
To hold you in time
To hold you in time
To hold you in time

While we were dancing
Early hours
Drunken days finally ended
And the streets turned for a pillowcase
Then I fumbled our good lock
Then the ecstasy turns to rising light
Through our windowpane
Now I'm gone
I left flowers for you there

I miss so many moments.

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:14:17 GMT

exciting things are brewing in good ol' santa cruz :)

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:36:27 GMT

I got into Santa Cruz and I am dying to move. I am constantly afraid to get comfortable again. When I am happy and feel like things are going well my subconscious reminds me of what reality is. My dreams torture me in the early morning making it apparent that things are not the way that I want them to be. I know I am going to hurt again. I just hope that I can avoid it before I move. After all it is only 2 months away. It shouldn't be so hard to pretend for that long... I hope you can do it.

pregnancy

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:05:38 GMT

Lately I have been having dreams that I am pregnant. This made me feel really weird so I decided to look up the meaning of being pregnant in your dreams...

Dream Meanings - PREGNANT
To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

Turns out it may be more positive than I thought!

Animal Collective

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 03:54:03 GMT

They put me into a higher state of euphoria

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 23:17:20 GMT

I WILL BE MOVING TO BERKELEY IN DECEMBER!

school

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 02:41:20 GMT

school starts on monday this semester im taking speech135 art100 phil102a and cultural anthropology. im not really sure how im going to get to and from but i guess i have to figure it out theres a bunch of shows i want to go to in the next 2 months so i need to come up with some money so i can go to them!

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 23:59:22 GMT

so ive been losing a friend and its really done and he doesn't give a fuck

friends are not family

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 01:10:58 GMT

i need to learn how to be alone

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 06:54:05 GMT

i need to stop

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Sat, 19 May 2007 07:19:50 GMT

so i have just decided that im going to postpone moving out so i can
a) buy a camera
b) buy a harp
c) pay off bills

life shall be interesting.

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Mon, 14 May 2007 02:27:13 GMT

hmm schools almost over but im taking summer school so it doesn't really make a difference. work is pretty lame but i make decent money. Ive been searching for a new apartment but haven't been stressed too badly about it. Ive just been surrounding myself with friends and trying to have as much fun without losing the other important things in my life. lifes looking up but still pretty stressful. My dads coming in town for a week which will be pretty cool. Im getting tattooed tomorrow which im not looking forward to but you know

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 06:43:09 GMT

so dj and i broke up shits hard im moving back home tomorrow theres talk between me edgar greg and christian about an apartment but its probably a bad idea i dont really trust anyone but living at home is going to suck. i dont even get my room back i get to sleep in my sisters old room that is filled with her shit

AHHHHH FUUCK

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 06:35:00 GMT

maybe i can be strong
or i can at least pretend to be
maybe it will turn into real strength
life will go on

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 02:49:17 GMT

I want to get an apartment in OB or downtown area if anyone is interested let me know i need to find a reliable roommate thats a hard task these days

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 06:25:37 GMT

life sucks. i need to find somewhere to live soon.

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 18:22:13 GMT

things are getting a little better. I quit my job so that i can try to get over being sick and i start at home depot around the 21st. Im trying to focus on school and myself. Im really scared to get too comfortable again.

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 19:38:35 GMT

my life is falling apart

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 04:02:12 GMT

im tired, all i do is work and go to school, i need to hang out. life is becoming too mundane

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 17:48:27 GMT

Last night i slept from 5:30 pm until 9 am what the hell?! 15 and a half hours of sleep i guess i needed it

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 06:43:33 GMT

someone be my friend

natasha_1120@hotmail.com — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 02:24:34 GMT

Today I got more of my tattoo done it was just this shading type stuff as the background/leaves its hard to explain but it didnt hurt too bad and i had a good state of mind so i got through it easy. We wanted to do more, parts of the flowers but financially it couldnt be done. But i am really relieved that it wasnt bad at all compared to last time. I also got my hair cut and i like it a lot. I havent had it cut in a long time and i just didnt feel like cutting it myself so i forked out the money. School is going pretty good except for my psyc class its pretty boring, well the teacher is at least. Hmm what else, work is good i got my first check today :) I saw my dad today for about an hour and it was extremely awkward i dont know why i just felt like we were complete strangers. Well its friday night and dj will be home soon so i will be on my way :)